I suddenly realised that if someone asked me for the reason why things turned out this way, i wouldn't know what to say. It's so silly how this mess even started. I read back on my previous entries and i found one where i said i would not pass judgment on things i do not really know. Apparently it wasn't so. I am such an idiot sometimes. I could accept your flaws before and then why couldn't i now. Honestly, you did not change. I think it was my expectations that did. So what if you weren't perfect in certain areas? Neither am i.
I get people saying i'm tactful. I don't even know if it is a compliment or what. Seriously most of the time i don't feel so. I don't know what is of truth and what is not. I don't even really know the people around me now. I can trust easily, but once you lose it, i wouldn't even say it's difficult but almost impossible to gain it back from me. I make forgiveness sound like some easy shit, but ultimately, things never became the same.
I don't even now who i am. I don't know what i want and i don't know what i live for. It's not like i am upset or what because i dont think alot of people know who they really are anyway. But at times like this when realisation hits me. I get confuse all over again.
I am a perfectionist with very high expectations only to realise at moments that perfection don't exist. When that happens, i get all disappointed and upset- only to hurt people around me. And even after constant personal reminders to be contented with what i have, i realise i can't. Tell me, why am i such an idiot?
BREATHED @ 2:24 AM
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