Sunday, March 12
Take a few steps back.
Again, i was having very bad cramps so i was in bed the whole day. I had no idea how long i slept but i had a dream that seemed so long and amazing real. When i woke up, i sat up and felt rather taken aback. I don't exactly know why. Perhaps because the dream was pretty much like whatever has happened or is happening in my life. In the dream were events that happened to me, some exactly like what happened in real life, some had not the same, but similar things happening, but in a different location. The characters in the dream seemed to be the people who played significant roles in my life.
The dream started off with me having lunch with yuting,fer,samantha,baby,eden and weijie. Michelle was not present, just like how she wasn't present on that only "out-of-school" lunch i had with these six people. The location was different but the feeling was very much the same. Then after lunch, we were walking along the streets and we ended up in my junior college. But then, mj didn't look like the mj i knew. There were alot of people, people in home clothes sending in their applications for JAE or DAE, people in school uniform going to school or to collect their A level results. Then i saw kok and the rest. Not one person was missing, even jirong, huimin, sam, jorce and yenling were there. We were all tearing, not because of parting, but because of reunion. At this point, baby and the rest seemed to disappear from the dream suddenly. We talked about how we met, dance practices, choir practices, guy crazed moments, after school hangouts. It was almost like everything that happened between me and all of them. After that, i received a call from kenn, so i left the group and walked on. As i was walking on, i realised that i wasn't holding my phone, so it seemed that kenn's call had somehow disappeared too just like how he comes and goes in my life. Walking on, i met darryl, jonathon and christine. To think of it, it was a very weird combination. But anyway, darryl asked me "Eh, your handphone is use sound or what arr. On radio leh" I know this part sounds very very dumb but darryl really did ask me the exact same thing last time. Jonathon was probably there because he was darryl's buddy. As for christine, i can't figure out why she was there, probably just for the simple fact that we were pretty close that time.
Walking on, the three of them disappeared, and baby and the rest seemed to appear again. We walked to a place which seemed like a canteen. We saw people in a queue rushing to hand in their JAE applications. Then suddenly zifeng walked past and i shouted his name twice. He didn't hear me so i ran forward and tried to catch up with him. When i reached to where he was, i couldn't find him. Then someone tapped me and i turned and it was him. It seemed pretty real because zifeng always try to unnoticely tap me from the back. Anyway, we (baby and the rest pus zifeng) walked to a bench where we saw wenghong tobby and yinglong. Then as i was thinking when i woke up, i realised that fer was not with us during this "walking on" part which was- in real life the period of time she went back to Indo.
After a while, baby and i stood up and said we had to leave. we walked out and it was pouring heavily. Baby was pushing a bike (i don't know where it came from) We seeked shelter and we came to this place where we got separated but a huge crowd. It was so packed i couldn't find baby and i couldn't walk back. I decided to walk on, and along the way, i saw my secondary school friends.I saw pig, ryn, oliver. Then i saw shaz and cheryl. I saw xueping and eileen. I saw marcus and delon. I saw zenas and ron. I saw chikin,johnson and changrong. I saw alot alot of people. I walked on and i saw myself, leaning against this white canvas throwing up and on the verge of fainting. I wanted to help because at that moment, i knew that was me because i always faint and throw up. But then, the other me couldn't see me and i felt very helpless and scared. There was a loud buzzing sound going on in the background and everything seemed to be blurry yellow figures. I ran all the way out and i bumped into baby. I hugged him tight and he told me everything was going to be alright and i felt better immediately. Also, one weird thing i realised when i woke up- baby was with jason when i bumped into him and they looked like they were buddies.
Then, baby and i got onto the bike and we rode off. the rain seem to have stop and everybody in the huge shelter seem to have disappeared. We came to the street where my old house used to be. There we saw yinglong and wenghong again, on bikes too. We all rode on, and came to this huge ditch. It was pitch black and when i looked in, i heard people calling my name. Confused, i wanted to jump in but baby begged me not to. He was holding on very tightly to me and there were tears in his eyes. I was tearing too but i told him i had to go. Then the black hole suddenly disappeared and the whole street was very empty. Baby was very happy that i didn't have to go in the end and he wanted to hug me tight but then i was already slowing vanishing. Baby was still begging me in desperation and this was when i woke up.
I sat up for really long thinking about the dream. I took a while to realise it was a dream, because everything seemed so real. It was like a flashback of my memories. From now, to college to secondary school. And throughout the whole dream, i was "walking on" or should i say "walking back". People say that when you die, your life flashes before you. Of course, i'm not saying i was on the verge of dying. It just made me wonder, what if there really was such a flashback, it would be pretty saddening to realise that it would be the moment where time has taken its toll on you, and you look back on what you have endured and what you have put others through. You may regret but there is probably nothing that you can do anymore. Or what if the life we are leading now is actually the flashback and the fact is that we are already dead. Do any of us really exist or are we all just part of something in a much greater reality's dream?
BREATHED @ 9:00 PM
